Are The Fireworks Stealing Your Independence?
What do your fireworks look like?
- Blow-ups and attacks?
- Silent treatment?
- Passive-aggressive games?
- Swooping in with unsolicited advice?
- Compromising your boundaries to keep the peace?
Have you lost your independence?
Engaging in drama steals your independence because it makes your identity dependent on another person.
When you blow up, you’ve turned over control of your emotions to another person. It really shows when you say things like, “You gave me no other option,” or “You make me furious!”
When you give someone the silent treatment, you’ve bought into the myth that withholding intimacy can make others suffer. Ironically, your empty jolt of self-justification is dependent on them feeling bad.
Passive aggressive games consume huge amounts of energy dancing around the subject, banking on the other person feeling confused, defensive, or vulnerable. Again, your temporary satisfaction is dependent on how they feel and act.
Nonconsensual helping (giving unsolicited advice) puts your ego on display, dependent on others to validate your self-serving generosity and intelligence.
Compromising to keep the peace is a great example of solving one problem but causing a new one. You may have legitimate reasons to back away, and over time, you are the one who pays the price in the form of low self-esteem and resentment.
More Drama = More Dependence
Reclaim and celebrate your independence with Compassionate Accountability®
- Enter every conversation with the attitude that “We are worthwhile, capable, and accountable.”
- Take personal responsibility for your emotions and behaviors.
- Accept that conflict can be a source of positive energy if used properly.
- Let people know what you really want. Your deepest motives and aspirations are driving your behavior, whether you admit it or not.
- Celebrate your unique strengths
On July 4th Americans celebrate Independence Day. Every day you can make a positive ruckus by reclaiming your independence and lighting up the sky with positive light.