How To Communicate With People Who Make Silly Mistakes and Lose Confidence

Posted on July 1, 2017 by Nate Regier / 1 comments
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The ability to communicate effectively with different people, especially during miscommunication and distress, is one of the most sought-after leadership skills. This article is part of a series on how to communicate with people in distress,

The problem

Some people in distress make silly mistakes that invite criticism and rejection. They second-guess their abilities and begin to believe they are not worthwhile, and it shows in their behavior. Whether they are putting themselves down or worrying about what bad thing might happen to them next, they expect to be hurt and rejected eventually. Consequently, they avoid making decisions or make bad decisions that invite negative attention.

The back story

Behind the scenes, people who make silly mistakes and lose confidence often question their own worthiness and likability. What they actually need is positive recognition for who they are as a person, no strings attached. They want to know they are loved unconditionally. They thrive on close relationships, community, and support. These people are naturally compassionate, sensitive, and warm. They seek harmony and positive emotional experiences.

When their boundaries are crossed or bad things happen, compassionate and sensitive people face a dilemma with anger. Inside they may feel angry about how they’ve been treated but don’t speak up. They stuff their anger to keep the peace, worried that if they did express it they would be rejected and ruin the harmony in a relationship.

Anger turned inward often turns into self-loathing and depression. Instead of asserting their boundaries and needs with those who might have crossed a line, these people begin to believe that they deserve the bad things that happen to them. Their behavior can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Only when they can assertively express authentic anger in close relationships can they own their worthiness and become more healthy.

If this is you

  • Remember, you are worthwhile and OK, no matter how others respond to you.
  • Your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.
  • It’s OK to be angry and express it in healthy ways. It’s one way to show that you value yourself and the people you care about.
  • Surround yourself with people who love you, care about you, and are willing to confront you without rejecting you.
  • Tend to your sensory needs. Creature comforts that nurture the senses are great battery charges!

Communication tips

  • Show you care through personal words of affirmation, empathy, and concern.
  • Ask personal questions about family, friendships, and feelings. Then listen.
  • Tell them they matter to you as a person, no strings attached.
  • When they express anger, treat it with great care and respect. It’s one of the hardest things for them to do.

This article is part three in a series on how to communicate with people in distress, Read all six articles to discover why people act the way they do in distress, and how you can communicate to make a positive difference.

Over controlling and critical

Crusades and pushes beliefs

Manipulates and creates negative drama

Blames others and accepts no responsibility

Withdraws and doesn’t respond

Makes silly mistakes and loses confidence

This series is based on our work using the Process Communication Model, a research-tested framework for understanding and communicating with different personality types, in and out of distress.

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Jenny Locanthi
Posted on June 28, 2017

Wonderful article! This really resonates with me & provides practical insights. Thank you!

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