Compassion Is More Than A Feeling
Some people think that empathy and compassion are synonymous. They aren’t, because compassion is more than a feeling.
You have to actually do something to be compassionate. So others have suggested that compassion is “empathy in action.”
“Empathy in action” definition limits compassion
- It makes compassion dependent on empathy.
- It relies on a shared emotional experience.
- It precludes other motivators of compassion.
What motivates you to show compassion?
While empathy is a great motivator for compassionate behavior, it’s not the only one.
The practice of compassion can be motivated by emotions, e.g. “I feel for her. I’ve been through something similar so I can relate.” This is what most people view as empathy, an emotional experience that connects people. In this case, compassion indeed is empathy in action.
It can be motivated by logical analysis, e.g. “I have skills that could help. By serving on the Habitat for Humanity board, I could use those skills to help a family have a home.” This would redefine compassion as thoughts in action.
It can be motivated by principles and values, e.g. “I believe that every child deserves a stable adult role-model, so I will volunteer for Big Brothers Big Sisters.” Now compassion is equated with values in action.
It can be motivated by guilt, e.g. “I feel so badly that I have more than enough to eat while others are starving.” Here, compassion is simply a form of making things right.
Compassion without emotions?
“But how can you really be compassionate without an emotional component?” you might ask.
You can’t. Compassion isn’t possible without Openness, which means emotional transparency; valuing the emotional experience of our selves and others. Empathy is only one of three ways to do this.
Two more ways to be open
Validation, which is the act of affirming and valuing another person’s emotional motives and experiences. e.g. “Your feelings matter. It’s OK to be upset. I’m listening.”
Validation is not empathy. It does not rely on shared emotional experiences, although it needs to be sincere.
The third way to practice openness is disclosure, which is the act of sharing your own emotional motives and experiences, e.g. “I’m angry about what happened last night,” or “I want to feel safe in this relationship.” Disclosure is a self-ful act that also connects people. The vulnerability of disclosure sends the message that you care enough about yourself to let others know and ask for what you want, and it sends the message to others that it’s safe to share emotions. Disclosure in not empathy because it’s not about the other person.
Compassion can be motivated by more than empathy, so don’t limit it with the definition of “empathy in action”. Once motivated, compassion can be activated by Empathy, Validation, and Disclosure. Any of these can get the ball rolling for practicing real compassion.
Compassion is the practice of demonstrating that people are valuable, capable, and responsible in every interaction.
We are on a mission to bring more compassion to every workplace in the world. It starts with recognizing that compassion is accessible to anyone and it can be learned and practiced in every interaction.
Learn more about The Compassion Mindset, our enterprise program for bringing more compassion to your workplace.
Our Newest Book
Join Our Community
- Book Review
- Communication skills
- Compassionate leadership
- Compassionate Accountability
- Conflict Skills
- Conflict Without Casualties
- Customer Service
- Decision Makers
- Emotional intelligence
- Intergenerational communication
- International Forum
- leadership advising
- Leadership Coaching
- Leadership Communication
- Leadership Development
- Personality Inclusion
- Seeing People Through
- Team Leaders
- The Compassion Mindset
- workplace conflict