What’s In Your Bird Box?
Have you seen Bird Box? It’s become quite a phenomenon.
Everyone has a Bird Box, a warning sign that danger is approaching. We all fear what might happen if we look at the demons or bring them out into the light of day, which is why we keep things in the dark. Just like Sandra Bullock’s character in the movie, you might cover yourself to avoid looking. But everyone can see the message you are sending out.
There are six types of “birds” who squawk when danger approaches. Each one is trying to protect us from something, and copes with this danger in a unique way. Which one is yours? What can you do to soothe it?
I gotta be perfect
This bird tries to protect itself from the grief associated with loss. Loss of what should have been, a change in plans, the unexpected. Anything that represents loss of control will agitate the bird. This bird copes by trying to be perfect by over-thinking, hoping to avoid loss of control. The squawking sounds like over-explaining, over-detailing, and too many details. If this is your bird, you can soothe it by reminding yourself that it’s OK to grieve little and big losses and make adjustments. Control is an illusion anyways.
I gotta be strong
This bird tries to protect itself from autonomy, especially when they are alone and need to make independent decisions. This bird copes by withdrawing and hunkering down, as if trying to show they can tough it out. If this is your bird, you can soothe it by reminding yourself that you are capable of making decisions and asking for direction if you don’t know what to do next.
I gotta please
This bird tries to protect itself from its own shadow – anger. When others say or do mean things, this bird copes by stuffing its anger and tries to make everyone happy instead. It will even go without food and water to keep the peace. If this is your bird, you can soothe it by reminding it that healthy assertive anger is a sign that you care about relationships and it can actually bring people closer together.
I gotta try harder
This bird tries to protect itself from responsibility. It absolutely hates feeling bad, especially when it made a mistake. To cope, this bird plays dumb, trying hard to understand by just not quite getting, hoping that maybe someone will swoop in and take over responsibility. If this is your bird, you can soothe it by affirming how creative you are and how making a mistake doesn’t mean you are a mistake. You can fix it. You got this!
You gotta be strong
This bird tries to protect itself from intimacy. It gets very uncomfortable when people want to get close emotionally. This bird copes by pulling away and leaving others to fend for themselves. If necessary, it will create a diversion. If this is your bird, you can soothe it by reminding yourself that you can be self-sufficient and interdependent at the same time.
You gotta be perfect
This bird tries to protect itself from fear. It is a natural protector so it is very suspicious of anything that threatens the standards. It copes by raising the standards for everyone else, expecting perfection as a way to prevent anything bad from happening. If this is your bird, you can soothe it by reassuring yourself that you are committed, you do care deeply, and that true courage means being transparent about your fear and facing it with others.
Copyright 2019 Next Element Consulting, LLC
These six warning signs are based on the groundbreaking research by Dr. Taibi Kahler. Each one is correlated with one of the six Kahler Personality types. Discover your personality and how to communicate with all six types by attending one of our Process Communication Model seminars.