In Memory of a Compassionate Accountability Icon

Last week, our global community lost a very special person. John Parr was a PCM Certifying Master Trainer, the developer of The Emotional Assertiveness Model, an experienced coach, consultant, and trainer, a friend to so many, a devoted husband, and loving father.

I had a special relationship with John that influenced me profoundly.

John was one of my first mentors in PCM, guiding me with caring, clarity, assertiveness, compassion, and fidelity to the model. His background in psychology and counseling gave us a common framework to appreciate the depth and applications of PCM.

John was part of the team that helped me complete the requirements for becoming a PCM Certifying Master Trainer. I remember vividly the week spent at Taibi Kahler’s house (the originator of PCM), practicing, testing, and receiving gentle correction and support from John. He helped me look in the mirror in ways nobody had before.

John was an abundant thinker. He traveled to Newton, KS, from the UK way back in 2010 to get certified in Next Element’s NEOS self-efficacy outcomes tool. He believed in us, in our work, and had an abundance mindset. He knew that there was plenty to go around and that value comes from many perspectives.

John was a sparring partner and mentor. I leaned on John so many times when I had questions about PCM theory or needed a sounding board to process a thorny issue. He was always there, always listened, and always provided sage advice.

John was a great host. I had the opportunity to visit John, his wife Carmen, and their son Andrew in 2015 while in the UK for several training programs. He and Andrew took me to Stonehenge, which was an incredible experience. Almost as fun as tasting John’s exotic collection of Scotch.

John’s life had some things in common with Stonehenge. They both are somewhat mysterious and have a fascinating history if you dig deep enough. They are both solid and grounded. They both show up with intentionality and purpose. They both offer guidance in remarkable and unexpected ways. They both leverage the light and energy around them. They both made a long-lasting impact on the world. They both leave us wondering, exploring, and discovering.

John was loved by many and will be deeply missed. One way to describe his legacy is with two powerful words that he put together in his model: Emotional Assertiveness. John taught us through his own life and his model that emotions are legitimate and powerful sources of guidance and deserve to be valued. He taught us ways to honor those emotions within ourselves and in relationships. He helped us discover the nuance of emotions and how they can be used to navigate daily conflicts. He urged us to take full responsibility for our emotions and allow others to do the same. That is Compassionate Accountability.

I am grateful for John’s life. Rest in peace, my friend.

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