Trust Starts With Trusting Yourself

As part of my research on trust and conflict, I’ve been interviewing a variety of trust experts, asking them about their definition of trust, how trust is built, how conflict plays in, and what kind of impact it all makes in our organizations.

I’ve discovered some interesting themes.

Four Features of Trust

1. Trust has many dimensions. Depending on who you ask, trust experts have identified between 3-8 factors that make up trust. Our research has identified two main trust questions. Recently, I’ve landed on a third question…stay tuned for more on that.

2. Being trustworthy and trusting others are two different things. Stephen MR Covey told me, “Our organizations are filled with trustworthy people who don’t trust each other.” Listen to our conversation here on the Compassionate Accountability® Podcast.

3. Different people experience and define trust differently, so practicing the Golden Rule might not get the impact you are expecting.

These three themes are pretty common among those I’ve spoken with. But another less common, yet intriguing, theme is emerging as I dive deeper into my research.

4. Trust starts with trusting ourselves. This might be counterintuitive since most people like to define trust based on what other people must be or do. Ask anyone what it takes to trust someone and they will give you a list of behaviors or qualities that the OTHER person must exhibit.

Very few people recognize the role self-trust plays in trusting others.

What is Self Trust?

• Confidence in your ability to self-regulate and maintain composure under stress. My friend and research psychologist, Rob McKenna, has done some exceptional research on this topic and is discovering that composure is one of the biggest drivers of trust in leadership.
• Willingness to take full responsibility for your feelings and not blame others for how you respond to their actions.
• Willingness to take full responsibility for your thoughts, which includes the stories you tell yourself about others’ intentions.
• Willingness to take full responsibility for your behaviors, even if someone else lets you down after you trusted them.
• Enough confidence in your value that you don’t allow others’ behaviors to define you.
• Confidence in your capability to have the next conversation, and the next one, even when you feel disappointed or discouraged.

As a leader, are you developing self-trust so that you can be a more trustworthy leader while extending more trust to others? Compassionate Accountability sets the foundation for trust by treating yourself and others as valuable, capable, and responsible.

Secret Tip: Conflict negotiation is one of the most important trust-building skills. Do your leaders have an SOP for conflict? We can help.

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