Compassionate Accountability® After The Election Results

After the votes have been counted, after the dust has settled, after the verdict has been read, we are still in this together. Compassionate Accountability offers a pathway to move forward together after the election results, even when division has defined so much of what came before.

Leading up to the midterms, it seemed like we were living in two separate worlds. The rhetoric on each side got nastier and nastier. The lines in the sand became more pronounced, the positions became more extreme, and the stories about “those people” started playing like Halloween horror flicks.

We are still in it together

So now what? It’s been decided. There’s a winner and a loser. And somehow we have to get up tomorrow and keep moving. We still live next to the same neighbors. We still go to work with the same people. We still have the same family.

Regardless of how much you’d like to keep hating the person who supported the opponent, the reality is that we are all in this together. We’ve always been in it together. Compassionate Accountability can offer some strategies for re-engaging life in a way that doesn’t feel like war all the time. That’s too stressful to maintain. Plus, we have work to do. We have companies to lead, projects to finish, kids to educate, roads to build, and sick people to take care of.

The first principle of Compassionate Accountability is that all humans are valuable, capable, and responsible. That includes you and them.

After the vote, people are still valuable

Because we are valuable, everyone is worthy of being heard, affirmed, and safe. If you are on the losing side, you probably feel angry, frustrated, afraid, discouraged, and sad. That’s normal. Humans care and humans dream. When the things we care about don’t pan out, and our dreams seem to become more distant, it’s normal to be upset. It’s OK to feel what we feel, and even share it with others. But we have to remember that our feelings belong to us and aren’t anyone else’s responsibility. Just because we didn’t get what we want doesn’t make others responsible for our feelings. In the short term, it might seem convenient to harbor resentment and blame the other side for our feelings, but at the end of the day, only we get to carry them and work through them.

Ask yourself these three questions about your feelings. First, how can I express them in ways that don’t lessen anyone’s value, including my own? Second, how can I lean on my experience to empathize with others who might be going through something similar when I am on the other side of the vote? Finally, how can I use these feelings to inspire constructive action in the future?

If you are on the winning side, you might be feeling relief, joy, hope, or excitement. That’s normal, and that’s OK too. Your hopes and dreams probably seem closer now. Keep in mind that just because you got what you wanted doesn’t mean everyone will magically get on board. Now you have the unenviable task of reconnecting with people who feel lost, deflated, embarrassed, and hopeless. As a peer, leader, neighbor, how will you show them that you still care about them as a person?

Ask yourself these questions about your feelings. First, how can I express them in ways that don’t lessen anyone’s value? Second, how can I lean on my experiences of losing to empathize with those who ended up on the other side of the vote? We may have different priorities or values, but losing feels the same either way. Third, how can you use your feelings to inspire connection, collaboration, and shared positive experiences with others? Gloating is the surest way to stoke resentment and resistance, which only makes your next initiative that much more challenging.

After the vote, people are still capable

Because we are capable, everyone deserves the opportunity to contribute. Winners and losers want to be part of the futures that impact them. They want to co-create solutions that benefit others. Because we are in this together, we need each other’s ideas, experiences, and effort to make the world go around. Winners can’t go it alone.

If you are on the losing side, remind yourself that you still have all the same strengths and experiences you had before. Today is another day with the same problems to solve. Very little change actually happens because one political party won, or some politician made big promises during their campaign. It still comes down to normal people working together. That’s you.

If you are on the winning side, your party or person probably won by a narrow margin. Even if it was a landslide of 60%, that leaves 40% of the people on the other side. You need these people. They are your neighbors, colleagues, and family. Their skills, knowledge, and experience are critical to your success. They might be the ones you have to call in a crisis.

After the vote, people are still responsible

I’ve observed so much irresponsible behavior during the campaigns leading up to the midterms. What I mean by irresponsible is that people want to make someone else responsible for their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Your disgust for what the other side does is not created by their behavior; it’s a product of your values and whether or not they align with those behaviors. This doesn’t make them right or wrong – it makes them yours. Another person with different values might have no problem with those behaviors. Instead of saying, “I’m so angry because you want to raise taxes,” say, “I am so angry because I believe in lowering taxes, which is different from what you support.” Instead of saying, “I hate you because you support the war,” say, “I hate the war, and I want it to stop.”  Acting responsibly means owning your stuff, including how you express yourself. Actions that threaten another person’s value, capability, or responsibility lack both compassion and accountability. Humans are perfectly capable of feeling strongly, thinking independently, and acting authentically while still affirming each other’s dignity. We see it every day in our work.

Ask yourself these questions no matter which side you are on. First, how will I reframe the way I express my feelings and thoughts so that I own them instead of blaming others? Second, how will I take action on what matters to me without undermining other people’s dignity? Third, how will I invite others into conversations about what matters most so that we can all be inspired to do better?

What doesn’t work to inspire lasting change

Devaluing and insulting the humanity of people who believe differently from you has never worked to change how they feel about you. If anything it creates more distance.

Ignoring someone’s capability and leaving them out of the conversation because you don’t agree with them has never worked to inspire better solutions. If anything, it creates an echo chamber and lowers innovation.

Dismissing someone’s values as wrong because they are different from yours has never inspired someone to change their belief system. If anything, it galvanizes resistance for a later, bigger battle.

Some of us won. Some of us lost. And we are still in this life together. So now what? The solution is to ask yourself, “What would I do next if I saw myself and my neighbor, co-worker, and family member as valuable, capable, and responsible?”

Take a look in the mirror

We’ve developed an assessment that measures how you respond to the tension between relationships and results in critical moments. Pretty relevant right now. The Compassionate Accountability Assessment won’t judge your intentions, and it won’t question your values. It will provide you with a lens through which to explore how you act when the stakes are high, and the pressure is on. Get your baseline today, and see what could happen if you tried Compassionate Accountability tomorrow.

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