Telling It As It Is…Is It Effective in Leadership?

“I just tell it as it is.”

It’s a phrase we hear a lot in the workplace, often from people who pride themselves on being direct, honest, and willing to address what others might avoid, and there is value in that.

Organizations need leaders who are prepared to have difficult conversations, address performance issues, challenge assumptions, and say what needs to be said.

The problem isn’t telling it as it is.

The problem is what can happen when we focus so heavily on saying what we think needs to be said that we stop paying attention to how it is being received.

Intent and impact are not the same thing

A leader may intend to be clear and efficient:

“I don’t have time to sugarcoat things.”

“People know where they stand with me.”

“I’d rather be honest than tell people what they want to hear.”

But underneath the surface, their team may be having a very different experience.

People start anticipating criticism. They become more careful about what they share. Questions go unasked. Mistakes are hidden for longer. Ideas are filtered before they reach the leader.

Eventually, the leader who values openness may unintentionally create an environment where people are less open with them.

That is the paradox. You can be telling the truth and still undermine trust.

Directness isn’t the problem

Compassionate Accountability® does not ask leaders to avoid difficult messages, lower expectations, or become less direct, quite the opposite.

Compassion means to struggle with others, not for them or against them. It starts with believing people are valuable, capable, and responsible. Accountability means staying engaged, addressing what needs to be addressed, and supporting people to take ownership and move toward productive outcomes. 

Put those together, and we can be very clear without sacrificing the relationship in the process.

One practical way to do this is through the Compassionate Accountability communication formula, ORPO: Openness, Resourcefulness, Persistence, and Openness.

Openness → Start by creating connection

Before jumping straight to a conclusion, build connection.

• I am sad about how that meeting ended.
• It sounds like you’re having a tough time. 
• I feel excited about this project.

Instead of:

“You shouldn’t be feeling sad, it isn’t a big deal…”

Try:

“I can see you feel sad about this and your feelings matter.”

You haven’t dismissed the other’s feelings. You’ve opened the conversation to validate their feelings and create a ground for psychological safety.

Resourcefulness → Move toward possibilities

Once both perspectives are on the table, resist the temptation to immediately provide the answer.

Ask questions that recognize the other person’s capability.

• What do you think needs to happen next?

• What options do we have?

• What support would help you move this forward?

Resourcefulness shifts the conversation from accusation or defensiveness toward problem-solving.

Persistence → Stay accountable to the outcome

Compassion isn’t letting things slide. If something matters, stay with it.

• Clarify expectations. 
• Agree on responsibilities. 
• Establish what happens next. 
• Follow up when you said you would.

This is particularly important for leaders who worry that changing their communication style means becoming “soft.”

You can be respectful, curious, and compassionate while still saying:

“We need this completed by Friday. What needs to happen to make that possible?”

The expectation hasn’t disappeared. The way you engage around it has changed.

Openness → Stay open to their emotional experience

Communication isn’t finished simply because you’ve delivered your message. Pay attention to the response.

• How does that feel for you? 
• I am excited about this plan we have put together. 
• I can see this might feel tough, and I am here for you. 

Returning to openness keeps communication two-way rather than turning accountability into something we do to another person.

What if you’re on the receiving end?

Being on the receiving end of a highly direct communication style can be difficult, particularly when you feel criticized, dismissed, or put on the spot.

Your own response matters too.

Before reacting, separate the message from the delivery. There may be useful information underneath a delivery style you don’t appreciate.

Try asking:

“Can you help me understand what you’d like to see change?”

Or, if the communication itself is becoming a problem:

“When I hear feedback in this way, I find it hard to understand what you’re expecting of me. I want to be clear and act on your feedback so we can work on this. Will you slow down and help me understand what you want to see change?”

That takes courage, but it also demonstrates Compassionate Accountability. You are valuing yourself, the other person, and the outcome at the same time.

You don’t have to stop “telling it as it is”

Great communication isn’t about becoming someone you’re not.

If you’re naturally direct, there can be enormous value in that communication style. Clarity, honesty, and willingness to address difficult issues are important leadership strengths.

The opportunity is to become more intentional about how you use them.

There is also an important distinction between “telling it as it is” and “telling it like I see it.” 

“Telling it as it is” can position our perspective as the truth, leaving little room for another person’s experience or point of view. “Telling it like I see it” takes ownership of our perspective while remaining open to the possibility that someone else sees things differently. 

Before your next difficult conversation, ask yourself:

Am I trying to deliver a message, or am I trying to create an outcome?

Because those are not always the same thing. 

Compassionate Accountability helps us do both: protect the value of the relationship while staying accountable for results.

And sometimes, the most effective way to “tell it as it is” is to make sure you’re equally prepared to hear it as it is, too.

Compassionate Accountability joins forces with the other person for a win-win solution.