The Most Intoxicating Drug

There’s one thing that every human craves.

Every person who has ever lived has tried to get it.

Nations have been built on it,

Most wars are fought over it.

Nations have fallen over it.

Facebook might not exist without it.

Without it, cable news may as well close up shop.

Parents use it. Teachers use it. Pastors use it. Politicians use it.

Children learn how to use it from their parents, teachers, pastors, and politicians.

It’s legal in all fifty states and every country in the world.

It crosses borders undetected.

For some, it’s the first thing they reach for.

For others, it’s the “go-to” when all else fails.

People spend hours of every day seeking it.

It makes athletes uncoachable, and makes coaches intolerable.

It is a very difficult addiction to kick, and most people relapse several times a day.

It’s baked into our personality.

It helps us sleep at night.

It can soothe a troubled soul, but only for a while.

It is why conflict so often results in casualties.

It is a powerful currency for emotional warfare.

It is free to get, but expensive to use.

What is the most intoxicating drug?

Justification

Almost nothing feels better than justifying our beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors. The pull is even stronger during conflict or when our behaviors don’t represent our best selves. We have to somehow make it OK, play God, and be the righteous one. Self-righteousness is about the need to self-justify, to stand in judgment of everyone, including ourselves.

“See, I told you so.”

“See, I knew I was right.”

“See, that’s what always happens to me.”

“See, they always…”

“See how they are?”

Justification works against effectiveness. The most intoxicating drug will take away your perspective, your reasoning, your empathy, and your conscience.

Justification explains all the drama. We define drama as the misuse of conflict energy to struggle against ourselves or others, with or without awareness, to feel justified about our negative behaviors. When differences and disagreements arise or when the stress level goes up, we have choices about how we spend that energy. Drama is one choice, fueled by the need to be justified, always ending badly.

Compassion is the wonderful antidote to drama, also part of our human nature. Compassion is the process of struggling with others to create something better.

• Compassion doesn’t seek justification, it seeks positive impact.
• Compassion gets personal without making it personal.
• Compassion replaces judgment with curiosity.
• Compassion takes 100% responsibility for our feelings, thoughts, and actions.

Next time you feel the urge to get a justification high, consider the alternative. You have a choice — to be justified or effective. Choosing compassion not only taps into the best of what it means to be human, but it helps create something better.

Here’s the difference it can make. A client recently shared this with me after completing our The Compassion Mindset® course and applying ORPO, our formula for engaging conflict without justification.

“ORPO is a game changer in my conversations with my spouse. He historically shuts down when there’s conflict or differences in opinion. But this approach helps him not feel boxed in. So thanks for the small win in my house!”

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC, 2025