Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict: With David Dye & Karin Hurt [Podcast]

Dr. Nathan Regier, your host, welcomes Karin Hurt and David Dye, the leaders and creators of Let’s Grow Leaders, where they support human-centered leaders to find clarity in uncertainty, drive innovation, and achieve breakthrough results. Karin and David share a common passion for helping leaders navigate conflict in more productive ways, believing that compassion and accountability can and should coexist for organizations to thrive.

In this episode, Dr. Nate, Karin, and David discuss key findings from their cutting-edge research and explore practical frameworks for overcoming difficult conflict in all kinds of challenging situations.

Watch the video for this episode of The Compassionate Accountability Podcast with Nate Regier Ph.D below.

What’s In This Episode

• How has the nature of conflict changed since the pandemic?
• What is a Conflict Cocktail?

• What are the four dimensions of conflict which help us navigate conflict for positive outcomes?
• What are some reassurances for having constructive conflict when it’s scary?
• What is the most powerful phrase to address conflict caused by conflicting expectations?
• What are your favorite bits of conflict wisdom from expert contributors in your book?
• Where does self-awareness and self-management fit in?
• How has your work influenced how you communicate with each other?

Watch The Video

Listen To The Audio

Read The Transcript

Nate Regier:

Hello, I’m Nate Regier, your host for the Compassionate Accountability® Podcast. I’m the Founder and CEO of Next Element, a global consulting and training firm helping organizations transform their cultures with Compassionate Accountability. I’m the author of four books about compassionate work, including my newest book, Compassion Accountability, How Leaders Build Connection and Get Results.

Thank you for joining me, and I hope you’ll implement the tips and tools featured in this show. If you benefit from my podcast, please subscribe, rate, and review to help us reach more listeners. And be sure to visit our website at next-element.com, where you can learn more about the work we do and find all our previous podcast episodes.

My guests on this episode are the kind of people you just want to hang out with, because they’re fun, interesting, humble, and so incredibly talented. I met them through my affiliation with ISA, the Association of Learning Providers. They’re an amazing duo who have dedicated their professional lives to helping leaders build more productive, engaging, and dynamic workplaces. So why are they on this show? Because we have a common passion for helping leaders navigate conflict in more productive ways, and because we believe that compassion and accountability can and should coexist so that organizations can thrive.

Karin Hurt and David Dye are the dynamic duo behind Let’s Grow Leaders, a leadership training and consulting firm that gets straight to the good stuff. They deliver real, practical evidence-based results for their clients. They’ve just published a new book called Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict. In our conversation today, you’re going to learn about key findings from their cutting-edge research and explore practical frameworks for having difficult conflict in all kinds of challenging situations. Karin and David, welcome to the Compassionate Accountability Podcast.

Karin Hurt:

Thanks so much for having us.

David Dye:

Our pleasure.

Nate Regier:

I know you’re in transition and moving, and so we’ve got you packed into a room in your house. And I just appreciate you being there together because I think one of the best things about you two is you two. And just the way you are, your personalities, and how who you are comes together in the work that you do. So I want people to be able to experience that. Anyway, so in the foreword of your book, you mentioned that this book wasn’t really part of your big plan for writing, but it arose out of a need that your publisher identified. So what’s the story behind that?

Karin Hurt:

Yeah, so the big question was there was a lot of feeling that conflict is getting worse since the pandemic. And I know you are a conflict guru and I know that you see it too. It’s not just that there’s more conflict, it’s a whole new breed of conflict. And we call these conflict cocktails. So it’s this and this and this. It’s working from home and more global teams, and people with anxiety left over from the pandemic, and managers not knowing exactly how to manage an environment, and all of that is coming together. And so we said, “Let’s just not assume there’s more conflict, though we’re all feeling it, the publishers feeling it. Let’s do some research.” And so we did some research really to validate what was happening, what sense of conflict were people experiencing, and what was the nature of that conflict.

Nate Regier:

I love that. So it’s not just a hunch, it’s not just we’re feeling it, but let’s go and try to document what’s going on there. And I know you did a really comprehensive survey, got lots of data from all over the place. So this book has some original research, a lot of original research, which I’m going to ask you some more about. But before we get started, since the topic is conflict and we love conflict or we love talking about conflict, I want to get clear on what your definition of conflict is. How would you define it?

David Dye:

So often when we think of conflict at work, especially, we automatically go to all the negative associations and destructive kinds of conflict. So anytime that there’s a serious disagreement and we care, there’s going to be conflict. And so we can just use that as a starting place. What we’re after is constructive conflict, or you can even call that collaboration, as opposed to all the destructive kinds that make us wince when we think about conflict automatically.

Nate Regier:

Well, certainly the potential for volatility right now in the workplace, you just think about everything that’s going on, all the things that we could disagree about, all the things we care deeply about in the context of just what’s going on in our world, it’s crazy. So from your research, before we get into some of the specifics in your book, which I have to show people who are watching the video, this is the book right here, Powerful Phrases. And I’ve got to show you here how many dog ears I have. I think I’ve read it twice now, and every time I write more stuff. So I am really excited to get more into this.

What would you say were some of the most surprising findings? You went in with a hunch trying to see what’s really going on. What did you find that maybe you didn’t expect?

David Dye:

I’ll start. So the first question out of the gate was, “are you experiencing more or less conflict than in previous years?” And I think, not to anybody’s surprise, 70% of people said that they’re experiencing more, the same as in the past year, so that feeling was validated in the research. But where it got interesting for me was when we got into that 30% of the folks who said, “I’m experiencing less.” Because then we asked them, “why are you experiencing less?” And half of those folks said they’re experiencing less essentially because they’ve escaped. They left a conflict prone workplace, they are working from home and so they’re just not having interactions with people anymore, so they’re not having those conflicts. Which that might be peaceful for them, but the lost creativity, lost collaboration, all those good outcomes for the organization and for them as well in the work that they’re doing isn’t necessarily a net positive. So that was an interesting finding for us.

Karin Hurt:

It’s really fascinating, because we do work all over the world and then we did this research and there’s not a statistically significant difference on any of the data. Which was a little disappointing, because we wanted to say, “Oh, conflict is so much worse.” No, it was just a nit. So people, whether you’re in Russia, whether you’re in the United States, whether you’re in Europe, it really speaks to the humanity, that we really all want very similar things. We are stressed and burdened by very similar things, and we are looking for similar solutions when it comes to these human dynamics.

Nate Regier:

That’s an interesting unexpected finding about some people saying less conflict, but it’s really because they’ve just checked out and tried to get away from it. And I experience that firsthand on social media. Basically, it’s either get involved and get all freaked out, and everybody all drama, or just check out. And there doesn’t seem to be anything in between. So you mentioned, David, constructive conflict, which is, of course, I’m excited about that because we talk about Compassionate Accountability, and that the purpose of conflict is to create. And in your book, you identify four dimensions of constructive conflict. Would you give us a brief overview of those?

David Dye:

For sure. And these four dimensions play at two different levels. The first is foundational. The more we invest in all four of these dimensions, the less unnecessary conflict we’re going to have and the less destructive nature it’ll have. But then also when we get into the conversations, if we can look at these four dimensions, they’ll help us navigate the conversations effectively as well. So these four dimensions are first connection. Do we know one another? How well do we know one another? Then clarity, do we have a shared understanding of success? Then curiosity, are we genuinely open to one another’s perspectives and alternate ways of looking at things and finding solutions? And then finally, commitment, which is not just I’m committed, and it’s not a willpower thing. It’s a do we have a shared agreement to move forward? And it’s a piece we often miss in this process.

Nate Regier:

So will you say those again just so we can get that for the listeners, just those four things.

Karin Hurt:

Connection, clarity.

Nate Regier:

Connection, clarity.

Karin Hurt:

Curiosity, and commitment.

Nate Regier:

Curiosity and commitment. Love that. You set them in a particular order. You talk them out in a particular order in the book. Are they all necessary in every situation, and is there any priority or order?

David Dye:

I love that question. We get asked that a fair amount by our clients too. Gosh, which one do I start with? And connection, if we know one another as human beings and we have that understanding, and we can see the dignity and the thought process, understanding makes everything easier. So it’s always a good place to start. And even in the middle of a, let’s say you’re a new supervisor or you’re talking to a department that you’ve never worked with before, and you’re finding yourself, “Oh, there’s a strong difference of opinion here.” You can still connect very easily when you start that conversation. “Hey, listen, I care about both of our teams. I want us to have a successful outcome here. That’s my intent for this conversation. What’s going to make it a good conversation for you?”

And just in that quick connection, seeing the other person as a human being, even if I don’t know them prior to this conversation, I can still invest in that. So it’s always a good place to start.

Karin Hurt:

And then clarity. So much conflict comes from expectation violations and what we call magical thinking. “Well, they should know, they have a master’s degree. They’ve been in this job for 10 years. I told them in the last offsite, they should know.” Well, they should know, but they may not know. So it’s better to focus on that clarity, and the more you can get clarity upfront, the less expectation violations you’re going to have. So I think those are the two places to start. But if we don’t show up curious about other people’s point of view, you’re not going to have the creativity and the innovation from the conflict.

And if you don’t do commitment, then you’re going to be in the groundhog days of conflict because you haven’t talked about what you’re going to do next. And before you know it, you’re waking up having the same conflict again and again. So they all matter. But the reason we focus and start with this is because when you are in an ACE, an acute conflict emergency, it’s helpful to say, “What is most needed here? Is connection needed here? Is curiosity needed here? Have I been clear?” And so if you can start with those questions, then you don’t even necessarily need to go to all 300 powerful phrases. You can just say, “Okay, I need connection or clarity or curiosity here.”

Nate Regier:

I love that. And I appreciate what you said, David, that no matter what the conflict is, you can always connect. There’s always a way you can connect. And of course, they’re all important, and the book lays out so many great examples of each one. So conflict is hard, conflict is scary. My guess is some people are going to walk past your book and they’re going to see the word conflict, and they’re going to say, “Uh uh.” It’s like kryptonite. And our research shows that over 70% of people are willing to compromise just to avoid conflict. So what reassurances do you have for people to go ahead and give it a go, that it’s okay?

David Dye:

And that’s part of the powerful phrases approach too, is it’s a key to unlock it, and that it doesn’t have to be as scary as we often make it out to be. So one of the things that I think about is if I am bringing somebody a cup of coffee, I’m really not concerned about what they’re going to think of me, any of those things. “Hey, I’m helping you out here. Here’s something that might be useful for you.” And to be able to enter into [inaudible] is a way that we talk about, the first conversation you need to have is with yourself before you talk to anybody else.

What’s at stake if you stay silent? You just mentioned 70% of people will compromise before getting into conflict and there’s a compromise of quality of life, quality of output, quality of their experience at work, quality of their relationships. And so what’s at stake if you stay silent? That’s a question that you can ask yourself. Why does what you have to say matter? And so some of those starting questions to ask yourself can help you find your voice if that’s feeling challenging for you. And then knowing there are tools to do it to where it doesn’t have to result in broken relationships.

Nate Regier:

Well, one of the things I like most about the title of your book is it starts with the phrase, “Powerful Phrases.” And so often in the work that we do with leaders, they say, “We’ve been exposed to all these models of this, models of this, how to have this conversation, but just give us the words. Please, just give us the words.” And when I was reading many of those 300 powerful phrases, I realized every one of these is conflict, but it’s conflict that we can do.

And you dedicate a lot of sections to different kinds of things, like you want to do this, you need to do that. And one of them was what to say when we need to say no. And I think that one really stuck out for me, because I think being able to have boundaries, talk about boundaries, say no, is one of the most difficult conversations we have to have or need to have every day. And so I just wanted to put that out there. I know they’re all important, but that one really rung true for me. Because overworked leaders don’t know how to say no. Some people say no all the time, but not in a way that’s helpful or constructive. Any insights or additional things you’d add to that particular challenge as you’ve been working with people around this?

Karin Hurt:

I think it’s fascinating that you picked that chapter, because when people say, “Hey, can you come do a workshop or work with our team?” They immediately go to that chapter and say, “Can you teach us?” This is also very interesting. We just got this call, “Can you teach my team how to say no?” Because every time you are saying yes to something, you are saying no to something or someone else. And I think that’s where you got to get your confidence from in terms of saying no, and we talk about that you’ve got to start with yes so that you can say no. So say yes to something.

And so imagine you’ve got a really big idea person on your team and you’re a really operational person. And so your idea person comes to you and they’re like, “I have this way to improve our NPS, net promoter score, by 10% and we’ve just got to do it. We got to stop everything and do it.” So the first thing you can do is say in response to the idea is, like, “Wow, it sounds like you are really excited about this idea and that you’ve really spent some time thinking about the outcomes that it would have. Now, to make that happen, here’s what we would have to do to operationalize that.”

So you’re not necessarily even saying no, you’re just adding additional information. And then you can get curious, “What do you think we could do to make some of this happen?” Or say your boss comes to you and says, “I really want you to be on this special project. And it’s going to be great for your career, and it’s got this critical thinking and problem solving thing we’ve been trying to work on and get you some more exposure on.” And you’re thinking, “Right, I just worked 70 hours the last five weeks, the last thing I need is a special project.”

But you can start by saying yes to the relationship with your boss.  “Thank you so much for thinking about me and caring about my career. And you are right, this is the kind of project that I ultimately would love to be working on. And I got to tell you, right now, my plate is full with this, this, and this, and I’m looking at this and I’m not feeling like I can stop any of these things, but maybe I have that wrong. So can we look at my workload together and see what we can do here next?” And then of course there’s things that you have to say no to that are ethics violations or values clashes, those are easier. “No, I can’t do that because it’s a clear violation of our code of conduct.”

Nate Regier:

I love it. Yes to the relationship, and then the boundary setting is almost always a collaborative thing. It’s not just saying, “No, I can’t do that,” but, “Will you help me prioritize?” Or, “What could you take off my plate for me to do this?” Or, “Will you support me in setting that boundary so I can do what you want?” So that’s one of the chapters I found huge. There are 25 chapters I think dedicated to different scenarios, so everyone’s going to find something that resonates. If you had to pick one or two besides the no one, what would you say are maybe the most pervasive or would make the biggest difference if we could master it?

David Dye:

Biggest difference, I’m not sure we’ve been asked that. We’ve been asked favorite. Biggest difference? Along with saying no, there’s a chapter on if you feel overwhelmed. And that’s a critical one, and those skills go hand in hand. So we’ve covered that, don’t necessarily need to do that one again. I would say when expectations aren’t clear, Karin mentioned earlier, that where so much conflict comes. Even if you and your boss and your colleagues, you know one another as human beings, but gosh, we’re in these constant conflicts. It is often the case that there is a mismatch in terms of what we understand success to look like. This can happen to Karin and I all the time because we see the world differently.

And so that chapter I think is critical in any workplace to help you navigate those, and figure out how to uncover the fact that we’re not working off the same script and then have that conversation. And so sometimes we’re going to have conflicting priorities. “Okay, well let’s get those back in the conversation and then have a clarity conversation.” And a powerful phrase to help with that is, “What would a successful outcome here do for you?” And so we get past the surface of, “Well, I need this by five,” or, “I need to make this project be this long,” or whatever it is. And now I find out what your actual interest in, what you’re needing to satisfy it and now we can craft a solution that works for both of us.

Nate Regier:

Just this morning I was talking to a superintendent, and he was talking about working with the executive team or his team of principals, and he was talking about a predictable and consistent, kind of a little battle that he gets into with one of the principals. And they banter, it’s fine, but he says, “I just know there’s something that needs to happen that’s not.” And it’s probably a question like this one will be such a powerful one. And I noticed this phrase, you mentioned it. I was going to ask you this next. What does success look like? This shows up in many, many chapters, that particular phrase, so it must be pretty important. Is there anything more you want to say about the power of that statement?

Karin Hurt:

Well, it’s a GOAT. We have 12 greatest of all-time powerful phrases, three for each of the dimensions. And what would a successful outcome do for you is a clarity GOAT. And the reason we like this one is because it gets to the hidden motivations. So if you and I are working on a project together, and what I really need is, “Hey, you know what? I have been working really long and hard, and I’d really want to be home by five o’clock so I could spend some time with my kid who’s coming home from college. And so my most important thing is we’re going to work efficiently this week.”

And you may say, “You know what? The most important thing for me is I feel like my boss does not see how good I am at this.” So when it’s time to have the microphone in the staff meeting, the metaphor, I would like to have a voice in the meeting. Well, if we don’t define that, I could be like, “Why are you taking so long? We don’t have time for this?” And I have all this conflict but I’ve never said, “My goal is to get out by five.” And I can be very overwhelming, I’d be like, “Oh, and I can say this in the meeting.” And you may be like, “Why are you always stealing the voice in these meetings? What I really need is to be noticed in this.”

But in the meantime, we have never said that to each other, we’re just getting ticked off. But if we can start and say, “What does a successful outcome do for you?” we know what success looks like for the project, but if we also get to what would it do for me, now we’re supporting one another’s deeper goals, and now we got real collaboration and rooting for each other.

Nate Regier:

I love that. And there was a clarity you made, there’s a difference between what would a successful outcome look like and what would it do for you? And I think that’s critical, because we talk a lot about what are the motivations, why is it that we do what we do? When we say we want this outcome or we should do this, it is in service of something that we don’t often talk about. And this puts it out there, where we can talk about what really is this about for you, and how do we help find a solution that can meet that need for you?

Awesome stuff. So your book is full of also a lot of cool contributions from other people, and I love reading the chapter. It’s like, “Hey, here’s a little tip from me here,” because there’s lots of great stuff out there. And I know we’re both part of the Association of Learning Providers. There’s some really cool conflict people in our community that we talk to. Are there any contributions from other folks that you just really love and would want to highlight?

Karin Hurt:

Well, we love yours.

Nate Regier:

And you can’t do mine. Don’t do mine. I didn’t ask this because I feel honored to be in there, but any others?

David Dye:

Taking yours off the table, okay.

Nate Regier:

Yeah, take mine off the table.

Karin Hurt:

So Liane Davy talks about the bystanders and bullying. And a lot of times if you’re seeing bullying happen, you may say, “Well, it’s not my business. I need to stay in my lane. This has nothing to do with me.” But she talks about how most important person in a bullying situation is the bystander, and how they can get involved to lift up the situation from a neutral point of view. It can add so much value. And it was something that we hadn’t even considered writing about necessarily, this bystander, in the book, and we’re like, “Wow, that is an important element to include.”

David Dye:

One of mine came in a conversation, we were talking about the founder of Uncle Nearest Whiskeys and Bourbons. And she had had a conversation. We’re talking about how people are different and all the assumptions we make about one another. And the conversation went to a place where the neighbor was somebody who was . . . .  This woman is Black and the neighbor was White, very tattooed, big, burly beard, really rough looking around the edges. And had a conversation where she’s like, “Well, he’s not going to like me.” And her mom said, “Well, how do you know? Have you talked to him?” And she’s like, “You’re right.” And she went over and had the conversation, and he was listening to R&B and they had favorite artists in common, and really built a friendship. And it was one of those moments for her that was eye opening in terms of all the assumptions we make about one another and that we have to have the conversations, and that was a meaningful one for me.

Nate Regier:

Wonderful. So another common friend of ours, Ken Blanchard, has a famous quote that I think is relevant here. He says, “Without weigh in, there’s no buy-in.” And a big part of your process involves collaborative problem solving. And I know for the work that we do, we see the word compassion, meaning co-suffer, co-struggle, co-create, that this is a process of we are building the future, the solution together. Where does co-creation collaboration come in in your process or what’s your view, and how do we do that well during conflict?

David Dye:

This is a critical question, and I have for myself been investing in this. Listeners and readers often wonder, “How good are those two at doing this stuff?” Listen, I’m actively invested in it. And one of the questions for me, it’s a curiosity GOAT, a powerful phrase that I have really tried to invest in since we wrote the book, is what does this look like from your perspective? And it does two things, that question has two components to it. It’s valuable for two reasons. One is when I’m fired up because I don’t feel heard or I’m feeling disrespected, when I can ask that question, immediately it takes me out of my amygdala. It takes me to the front part of my brain, it lowers all the hormones and chemicals that are fired off and calms down those parts of the brain.

But then the other thing is, inevitably I will find out that I don’t have the full picture. I have my part of the picture. And so just asking a question like that starts to create the room for that collaborative outcome. The same as when we were discussing what would a successful outcome do for you? All of the questions or all of the phrases from connection through all the way through to commitment have, there are two parties to this or more to this conversation.

Karin Hurt:

Yeah, that’s why we have a companion guide that’s free for people to download. You just go to the QR code of the thing or you go to our website, but it’s meant so people can read the book together and then talk about how they’re going to handle conflict before they’re in the immediate conflict. And what are our GOATS, how are we going to collaborate? What kind of conflict cocktails are we facing in our organization right now? And so that level of collaboration can also happen before you need it. So you’re talking about how are we going to do this together?

Nate Regier:

That’s wonderful. That’s wonderful in that community. And that gets to this, probably the most important question is transfer of learning, and are people actually going to go use these tools when it matters? And near the end of the book, you give an encouragement, I love this. You said, “Don’t worry about getting it right, just go try it. You don’t have to get it perfect the first time.” And with some of these phrases, they’re just so clear, we can just go say it. I could even imagine going into a situation and saying, “Hey, I want to talk to you about something. I don’t have all the good words, and I’m going to try something that I read because it seems like it’s a good thing.”

One of the things we’ve learned or we’ve experienced, I’m curious if you’ve seen this, is as you’re working with people, working with leaders and you’re introducing new skills, it can feel really uncomfortable and awkward at first to go try a different way to be different. And very often we find that leaders misinterpret their discomfort with being inauthentic. Will you speak to that? I’m curious if you’ve heard that, and what do you have to say to somebody who says, “Well, this isn’t me. I’m not being authentic.”

David Dye:

It’s such an important observation that sometimes being authentic can be horribly uncomfortable, especially if you’ve never done it before. And so comfort’s what we’re used to. It’s what feels like it makes sense and it’s normal. That’s different from authenticity or vulnerability, or transparency, which might be new practices for us and therefore not comfortable. So it’s something to pay attention to, but to own. We have a friend who says, “Own the awkward.” Of course it’s awkward.

Karin Hurt:

She’s one of our expert insights, Hilary Blair.

David Dye:

Hilary Blair. She has,an expert insight in the book about body language. And so yeah, it’s only awkward, it’s part of the process.

Nate Regier:

Well, I love that. And my guess is if I’m trying to learn something new because I care about you, because I care about our relationship, because I care about our company, then my awkwardness in a way is evidence of my commitment.

Karin Hurt:

Yes, yes. And do you want to be effective or right? I think that’s also part of it. So sometimes, well, my team just knows, I just spit it out. And if there’s F-bomb or two in there, it’s no big deal. That’s just who I am. I’m just being authentic.

Nate Regier:

I’m just telling it like it is.

Karin Hurt:

Yeah, that’s why they get paid the big bucks anyway. They should be able to handle that. Well, if it’s not sitting well, you are not effective. And so it may be your natural inclination is to just be raw and unfiltered and use some bad words, but if that is creating discomfort for your team, maybe it feels less authentic, but you’ll be more effective if you can go in and say your words in a way that are more likely to have people not bristle up and be receptive to what you’ve got to say.

Nate Regier:

Love that. Love that. Well, so speaking of effective versus being right, let’s talk about you two. You are a couple, you work together. You’re professionals. You’re entrepreneurs. You wrote this book together. You’re parenting, you just dropped your kid off at college. You’re moving. I can imagine you two have plenty of your own issues to deal with. So I’m curious how this book has influenced the way you two communicate with each other.

Karin Hurt:

Yeah, we are learning every single day. And the thing is that we have constant conflict. And I don’t mean we have a bad marriage, we have constant conflict though because we are constantly collaborating on projects. And our brains, David said earlier, work differently. I think sometimes we can’t think of things any more differently than we do. And so Nate, I’m more like you. I have tunnel vision, run fast, go hard, and David is the more operational, let’s get it right, and let’s figure out, think about all of the different piece parts of this. Well, when that’s in sync, that works great, but a lot of the time that creates tension. Because I want him to move faster, he wants me to more careful, and so we have to work through that. So we have found particularly the how to say no is a chapter that we have actually really worked on very deliberately. David now knows how to say no better. You do.

David Dye:

Yeah, working on it. Another phrase for me, the connection one that I have found to be very helpful is, “Tell me more.” And it’s simple, but so valuable. And I had someone read this book and they said, “In your relationship, when you use a phrase?” They first asked, “Do you use phrases with Karin?” I said, “Of course I do. I use, Tell me more” all the time,” because I know that it does work. And they said, “Well, does she resent that?” Like, “Stop using that phrase on me.” And my suspicion is no, but I’m going to ask you.

Karin Hurt:

No. And it’s funny, the other day, so as you mentioned, Sebastian has just gone to school, and he is about to make a choice that we disagree with pretty significantly. And so I was like, “You cannot do it that way.” But I mean now, we live a long way away. And so I used a bunch of our phrases at the beginning. I said, “Wow, that’s interesting. Can you tell me more about your thought process in this?” And by the end, I got him exactly where I wanted him. But we got off the phone and I said, “David, did you see me use those powerful phrases?” He’s like, “I’m very proud of you, because I knew you wanted to tell him exactly what to do.”

Nate Regier:

Nice. Well, next time I come across David at a trade show trying to get a booth ready, I’m just going to say, “David, what would a successful outcome be for you?” You guys are awesome.

Karin Hurt:

He’d say more helpers in the booth, more helpers.

Nate Regier:

Yeah, there we go. There we go.

David Dye:

That’s a position, my interest would be calmer and easier.

Nate Regier:

There we go. Well, like I told our listeners starting, you’re an amazing duo, and it’s fun to see you together doing great work. It’s good to know you, and thank you for coming on and sharing. I can tell how enthusiastic you are, and you’ve really put your work in and come up with a really practical guide. I think this book’s going to last for a long time and it’s going to have many editions, because I don’t see the need for this ever going away, and people need to be good at it. So thank you. If people want to learn more and they’re curious and they want to dive in, where would you send us?

Karin Hurt:

Thanks for all your kind words, and we love our collaboration with you in so many ways, Nate. So our website is letsgrowleaders.com, and if you go there, the book is Powerful Phrases for Dealing With Workplace Conflict. And that’s where you can download free chapters and all the additional resources. And of course we’d love to connect on LinkedIn, so Karin with an I, Karin Hurt, and David Dye, D-Y-E.

Nate Regier:

We’re going to put all that stuff in the show notes, all those links where you can go by the book and connect with them on LinkedIn. Karin and David, thank you again for being here, and appreciate all the great contribution you’re making to this field.

David Dye:

Our pleasure.

Karin Hurt:

Our pleasure, thank you so much.

Nate Regier:

Thanks for joining me, everyone. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Compassionate Accountability Podcast. What struck you, what can you take and use today? I’d love to hear from you. And if you haven’t already, pick up a copy of my new book, Compassionate Accountability: How Leaders Build Connection and Get Results. If you’ve already read the book, I’d appreciate your review on Amazon. Contact us today to learn more about how Next Element helps companies transform their cultures with Compassionate Accountability. And remember, embracing both compassion and accountability is the secret to great leadership, and the roadmap for thriving cultures and strong brands.

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