How To Flip The Script on Childhood Baggage That’s Holding You Back: Part 2 of 2

Progressive Insurance has a hilarious ad campaign poking fun at how we become like our parents despite our best efforts not to. See some of Dr. Rick’s ads here.  There’s neuroscience behind this, though. In last week’s post, I shared research from Dr. James Doty’s new book and described how childhood baggage influences our patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I described three of the six common “scripts,” defined by The Process Communication Model®, that are evident in the way we talk and act.

The good news is that we don’t have to be defined by our past. We can flip the script by becoming aware of our unhealthy patterns and replacing them with more healthy alternatives. But we need to know what to look for and how best to intervene. Here are the last three.

Six Scripts That Reveal Childhood Baggage, And How to Flip the Script for a Healthy Mindset – Part 2

Be Perfect For Me

The baggage: “Others need to be perfect to be worthwhile.”

Sentence structure: Using complicated, impossible, or rhetorical questions that leave people guessing. Starting a sentence with a negative.

Examples: “What did you mean, exactly, considering yesterday’s conversation?” “Wouldn’t it be better if you called him first?”

Problems it causes in life: Invites others to overadapt and guess, you become impossible to please, holds others hostage trying to get it right, breeds pessimism.

Flip the script with optimistic, healthy self-affirmations: “It’s OK to share my views without expecting others to agree with me.” “I can be an inspiration by positively role-modeling what is important to me.” “By asking direct and non-assuming questions, I will get the best idea of what matters to others.”

Be Strong For You

The baggage: “I need to be strong to be worthwhile.”

Sentence structure: Using third-person language to talk about your own feelings and thoughts.

Examples: “It seems scary.” “One wonders what could happen next.” “It occurred to me.”

Problems it causes in life: Reduces agency and initiative. Becomes disempowering over time. Lack of confidence to get things done. Don’t make decisions.

Flip the script with optimistic, healthy self-affirmations: “I can tell myself what to do next.” “When I let people know what’s on my mind and how I’m doing, they can help me take the next step.” “I can ask for direction to become more productive.”

Be Strong For Me

The baggage: “You need to be strong to be worthwhile.”

Sentence structure: Using the word “You” when talking about themself. Withdrawing support and leaving people to struggle alone.

Examples: “You know how it feels to lose.” “Hey man, you’re on our own. I got my part done.”

Problems it causes in life: Reduces teamwork. People don’t trust you to help them. Appears as though you are only looking out for yourself.

Flip the script with optimistic, healthy self-affirmations: “I can use my natural leadership skills to bring people on board.” “When I take the time to learn what people need, I can exert more positive influence.” “When I support people they will step up.” “Real heros don’t do it alone. The rally the troops to greatness.”

Which one best describes you? If you don’t find one, check out last week’s post for the other three scripts.

There’s an assessment that can identify your childhood baggage, your unhealthy scripts, and how you can turn things around to be the best version of yourself today. Try it today and get a personalized debrief with a certified PCM coach or trainer.

Our PCM training programs help leaders identify their predictable patterns of communication behavior, leverage their strengths, adjust dysfunctional habits, and adapt communication to help others do the same. Our clients say they’ve never seen anything else like it.

Want to dive deeper on your own? Get our book about PCM.

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