10 Permissions To Restore Your Passion for Leadership

The Wall Street Journal recently featured manager engagement research by Gallup showing that only 27% of managers are involved and enthusiastic about their work. Not a great statistic for companies trying to recruit and retain top talent.

Why Are Leaders Unengaged?

There are many factors contributing to low engagement among leaders, including the changing work climate and higher demands on leaders. One factor, which we see pervasively in our work, is a dynamic that sets leaders up to fail from the beginning. When Gallup asked managers how they got their job, the top two reasons they gave consistently were: I was a high performer as an individual contributor, or I had enough length of service to be promoted.

What this finding tells us is that leaders aren’t promoted for their leadership skills, and they aren’t receiving adequate leadership-specific training to help them handle the new requirements. It’s no wonder they are overwhelmed and unengaged.

Ten Permissions to Restore Your Passion for Leadership

Whether you are a new leader who’s floundering or a seasoned leader looking to rekindle your passion, there are things you have 100% control over that can make a big difference. One of the most powerful drivers of your energy and enthusiasm has to do with the messages you tell yourself.

Do you live with silent “inhibitors” in your life, those ingrained beliefs about what you should or shouldn’t do? “Work before play,” “Don’t have too much fun,” “Never take credit.” Over time, without even realizing it, these inhibitors infect our lives and can hold us back. Many of these inhibitions interfere with our professional development and make it that much harder to handle the pressures of leadership.

That’s why I am so grateful for the Ten Permissions given to me by Taibi Kahler, award-winning psychologist, developer of the Process Communication Model (PCM®), and a father-figure/mentor to me. As leaders, permission is one of the most important and valuable gifts we can give ourselves and others. These have helped me through many stuck points and rocky periods in my life as a leader. I’d like to share them with you.

1.  OK to be you.

You are one of a kind. You don’t need to be anyone else. You are enough! This poem by Adam Roa is a wonderful testament to this permission; you are what you’ve been looking for.

2. It’s OK to feel good about yourself even if you make a mistake or don’t know all the answers.

This isn’t about egotistical self-esteem. It’s about separating who you are from what you do. You are a human being, not a human doing. It’s not about whether your not you make mistakes, it’s about how you learn and grow from them.

3. It’s OK to take your time.

Contrary to the messages all around us in our hurry-up world, the mind and soul function best when given enough time to be intentional and present. Multitasking is a fallacy.

4. It’s OK to be self-ful.

What!?! This is not the same as selfish. Self-ful means tending to your most important psychological, spiritual, social, and physical needs so that you are energized to serve others. Not doing this leaves you ill-equipped to be a good leader, parent, coach, or employee. Yes, it’s OK to put on your oxygen mask first.

Seven questions to find out if you are being self-ful or not.

5. It’s OK to be open.

Openness is the entry point for Compassionate Accountability®, and table stakes for building authentic, trusting relationships. I’ve written a ton on this.

Learn to be more open with these three strategies.

6. It’s OK to succeed.

This may come as a surprise to all the Type-A personalities out there, but some people struggle to succeed. It’s OK to accept success as a product of your hard work, support of others, and even a little luck.

7. It’s OK to want others to learn and grow without expecting them to.

This has been the hardest for me to accept, and the most liberating once I got it. I’ve become a much better parent, boss, trainer, coach, and friend since accepting this permission. Expectations, as they say, are the surest path to disappointment. When I want without expecting, I can share responsibility for the outcome without somebody’s inherent human value being on the line. This permission helps leaders separate the person from the behavior, which is foundational to Compassionate Accountability.

8. It’s OK for others to win too.

When you do your best and someone else still comes out on top, congratulate them and see what you can learn. Beware of viewing success as a zero-sum game. All that does is reinforce a scarcity mindset and unhealthy competition.

9. It’s OK to have strengths and weaknesses.

Self-awareness and emotional intelligence are all about understanding your strengths and weaknesses, knowing how to make the most of them, and working within teams and communities to make beautiful music!

10. It’s OK to own your potency.

Humans are naturally agentic beings, capable of exerting effort towards goals. You are naturally gifted and capable of great things. It’s OK to step up to the plate. Did you know that human agency is one of the keys to hope? If you’re curious, I’m proud to introduce you to the work of one of my graduate school professors, Rick Snyder.

Learn more about the science of hope.

Reflect and Apply The 10 Permissions With Your Team

Reflect on the 10 Permissions and discuss these questions with your leaders?

• Which permission is easiest for you to accept?
• Which one is most difficult? Why?
• Which permission is easiest for you to give to others? Which one is hardest? Why?
• Is there a permission you’ve been needing to give yourself to be happier, more fulfilled, less stressed?
• What would happen if your work culture accepted and offered these permissions to each other? How could you be part of such a revolution?

Copyright, Next Element Consulting, 2025