I Appreciate You vs. I Appreciate It

Posted on October 28, 2020 by Nate Regier / 2 comments
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My middle daughter, Emily, works in customer service at Home Depot. It’s been a great source of work experience for her during the disruptions of COVID, she’s made some new friends, and has allowed some side income while going to school virtually.

Girl working at Home DepotEmily helps a lot of people every day, both over the phone, and in person. Sometimes she even helps people take stuff out to their vehicles. Although not everyone shows gratitude, she receives plenty of appreciation for her efforts.

The other day Emily called me to ask a PCM Question. As a Process Communication Model trainer and the author of a new book about PCM, she hoped I’d have some insight. Her question;

“I get a lot of compliments each day, and there are some that mean more than others. Some people say, ‘Appreciate it,’ and others say, ‘Appreciate you.’ I’ve noticed that I definitely prefer ‘Appreciate you.’ It means so much more to me than ‘Appreciate it.’ How do you explain that?

The explanation has everything to do with personality differences in how people are motivated. We all have the same six personality types in us, but in a preferred, set order. Emily’s two strongest ones are Rebel and Harmonizer. The Rebel type is motivated by playful contact that is safe, fun and accepting. The Harmonizer type is motivated by recognition of person, caring about who you are, no strings attached. “Appreciate you,” nails them both!

Appreciate YOU people:

  • Are generally caring, kind, and playful.
  • Want to know you like and accept them for who they are.
  • Do things for you as an expression of their compassion and human connection.

Appreciate IT people:

  • Are generally organized, committed, and observant.
  • Want to know you recognize the things they do.
  • Do things for you as an expression of their responsibility and dedication.

Next time you want to show appreciation to someone, watch for the cues and offer what means the most to them. They’ll definitely appreciate YOU for IT. Learn how to develop your compassionate communication with The Compassion Mindset┬«!

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2 Comments

Photo of Alan
Alan
Posted on October 13, 2021

I can’t stand it at work when people say “I appreciate you” after I do something for them. You don’t appreciate me. You don’t even know me. You appreciate a thing that I did, and have reformulated the stock phrase to signal your own superior observance of my humanity — when in reality you would scarcely notice if I ceased to exist.

I did a thing that needed done. Appreciate *it*.

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Nate Regier
Posted on October 13, 2021

Thanks, Alan, for letting us know which one you prefer. A great example of how using the wrong one can have an unintended negative impact. And it goes both ways, as evidenced in the story of my daughter. Believe it or not, though, some people like my daughter much prefer to hear “I appreciate you,” even after they do something for someone. It comes down to recognizing their motivation for doing it.

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Hajji
Posted on October 14, 2021

I’m a 56-year-old guy and I first started hearing the phrase I appreciate you instead of the phrase I appreciate it maybe not that long ago. Even now the overwhelming majority of the times that I hear it are from African-Americans. When I first heard it it struck me as odd but it didn’t take long until I thought about it and realized just how much of an improvement that seems to me to be over I appreciate it. In a world that seems increasingly hostile it struck me, I appreciate you, as a bolt of humanity.

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Nate Regier
Posted on October 15, 2021

Thanks Hajji. It is a bolt of humanity! In reading your comment I was wondering…does saying “I appreciate you” do more for the person who’s giving, or receiving? My standard Thank You is “I appreciate it” because I’m projecting my own needs onto others. When I make the conscious choice to say “I appreciate You” it feels different inside, more personal and requires more sincerity on my part.

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Chris
Posted on February 17, 2022

When people first started using “I appreciate you,” it sounded a little more personable to me than “I appreciate it.” However, it gets old pretty quick. In fact, now I’m beginning to loath the phrase. Of course I admit that I’ve become hypersensitive to all the trendy, overused words and phrases floating around out there (don’t even get me started on “reach out” or “demonize” or “that being said”). If “I appreciate you” were just used once in a while it would be fine, but when it’s overused it starts to sound phony, at least to me.

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Nate Regier
Posted on February 18, 2022

Thanks Chris. I appreciate you responding and sharing your thoughts on this. I’m curious, which of the two questions do you prefer to hear – personally?

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