A Law Prohibiting Non-Consensual Helping

Posted on September 1, 2021 by Nate Regier / 4 comments
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There should be a law against nonconsensual helping. Helping someone without their consent is a violation of their free choice, dignity, and self-determination. Here is what perpetrators of non-consensual helping say;

You know you’ll like it.

Here, let me show you.

You need me.

You’ll thank me later.

Just trust me.

There should be some exceptions, like when someone’s health or safety are in imminent danger, or when they are temporarily unable to consent for some reason. In these situations it should be OK to help them. But as soon as the exception has passed, consent should again be required.

If we enact this law, people with good intentions will need training on how to put their ego aside and obtain consent before helping. They will need to learn how to disclose their motives for helping, and ask permission first before actually providing any help. They will need training in how to listen, and how to focus on the other person’s capability and dignity.

I anticipate there would be some pushback against a law like this from well-meaning people who need to be needed; you know, the rescuers and saviors. There may be some resistance from those who are afraid of being turned down if they were to ask permission; the perpetual victims. There’s a small contingency who believe they know what’s best for others and don’t need to ask permission because others don’t know what’s best for them. And then there’s all those leaders who were promoted because they are such good fixers, but because they were never trained in how to lead, they just go on fixing everyone else.

I’m not sure where the biggest opposition will come from; consultants, missionaries or politicians.

Compassionate Accountability® recognizes that the most helpful helping is a collaborative process that fosters safety, capability and responsibility. How would a law prohibiting nonconsensual helping affect you? How would it impact you as a leader? Will you share your perspective?

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4 Comments

Photo of Nancy Yelland
Nancy Yelland
Posted on November 9, 2016

Wow, Nate…that is a concept I NEVER thought about!
It’s going to take me some time to process this idea of “Non-Consensual Help” (as you know I am a fixer).
I so appreciate your insights!
Thanks for the opportunity to look at me in a different light!
Love,
Nancy

Photo of Nate Regier
Nate Regier
Posted on November 12, 2016

Yeah, when I first presented it this way to a group, the audience sort of gasped. I wanted to help people appreciate the significant boundary violation in rescuing.

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Photo of PointBlankIdealist
PointBlankIdealist
Posted on November 21, 2016

Hi Nate, Interesting read! First thing that pops out to me is your description of the “Non- consensual helper”. What I found through my experience is that sort of forced help is usually a result of unhealthy thinking patterns and co-dependancy. This is a very good blog! Thought provoking. I love the ideas that you approach! Here is the link to my blogs 🙂 https://pointblankidealist.wordpress.com/2016/04/09/the-assertiveness-creed/ Check them out and let me know what you think. Thanks for sharing!

Photo of Nate Regier
Nate Regier
Posted on November 28, 2016

Great Assertiveness Creed. Thank you for sharing.

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Photo of Kristina Shea
Kristina Shea
Posted on September 1, 2021

The law could bring more awareness to drama-based helping, and bring it to the forefront of observable behavior. It could allow for more contracting, and when the contract is broken provide a doorway to address it with another person i.e. you broke the law of drama-based helping, now you pay! What would the consequences be if the law was broken? For me, the most damaging part of the law is what already exists, the impact on the relationships that are so important in our lives when we enter into drama-based helping.

I envision a world where we don’t need laws to eliminate drama-based helping, it’s a world where we start with our behavior first and make sure we are self-full and self-aware. A world of compassionate accountability. Let’s start now!

Photo of Nate Regier
Nate Regier
Posted on September 1, 2021

Thanks, Kristina. I agree – no laws for real. Just a figure of speech.

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Photo of CJ
CJ
Posted on September 1, 2021

This certainly describes the vaccine mandates that are being pushed on everyone around the globe, doesn’t it. The message matches exactly.
You know you’ll like it.
Here, let me show you.
You need me.
You’ll thank me later.
Just trust me.

You are right, there is no room for freedom of choice in this message. Thank you for posting this at such a time as this when personal and global liberty is under attack by the “well intentioned.”

Photo of Nate Regier
Nate Regier
Posted on September 1, 2021

Thanks for your comment, CJ. This article was not actually advocating for a law. It’s a figure of speech.

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