Three New Year’s Compassion Resolutions For Less Drama

Are you looking for a New Year’s resolution that will make a real difference in your life and the lives of those around you? As a leader, do you want to up your game this year? How about building a new habit that will make you a better leader and a better person?

Here are three bad habits that hold leaders back because they cause drama. For each one, I’ve offered a New Year’s Resolution to turn things around.

Giving In

Do you give in to keep the peace? When there are differences, disagreements, or conflicts, do you compromise your boundaries to keep the peace? Do you stuff things inside and then blow up unexpectedly? Is your well-being suffering because you take the heat instead of holding others accountable and standing up for yourself?

This might be your drama if you say things like;

• “Whatever you want is OK with me.”
• “It’s OK, I’ll do it this time.”
• “I’m fine.” (when you aren’t fine)

Here’s a compassion resolution that will help you turn things around.

I resolve to be more open.

Being open is about confident transparency. It’s about sharing your feelings, boundaries, and needs. It means recognizing that your experiences are just as important (not more or less important) than others. It means asking for what you want, which includes accepting help from others when you are struggling. Here are some tips for building new habits:

• Share your feelings and needs with others, even if you aren’t sure how they will respond.
• Remind yourself that how somebody responds to you doesn’t define you.
• Accept that conflict is not the enemy, it’s a source of energy to build closer relationships.
• Learn healthy conflict skills so you can assert yourself without being aggressive.

Get more tips on how to be open.

Giving Unsolicited Advice

Are you a solution looking for a problem? Do you jump in with your ideas, solutions, and advice even when people don’t invite you to help? Do you position yourself as the expert even when nobody asks for your input? Do you believe you know best and others should be grateful for your expertise? Are people becoming dependent on you, or resentful towards you for interfering?

This might be your drama if you say things like;

• “Here, let me show you how it’s done.”
• “What you need to know is…”
• “This is what you should do…”

Here’s a compassion resolution that will help you turn things around.

I resolve to be more resourceful.

Being resourceful is about collaboration and empowerment. It’s about recognizing that all humans want to feel a sense of agency and self-determination. Resourceful people focus less on promoting their expertise, and more on helping others become competent and confident. Here are some tips for building new habits:

• Get curious. Seek first to understand by asking open-ended questions like, “Will you share more?” or “What have you tried so far?”
• Learn about people’s strengths and experiences so you can meet them where they are instead of convincing them you are right.
• Ask permission before helping someone.
• Ask yourself, “Will that person become more capable as a result of my help?”
• Invite others to teach you something new.

More tips for being resourceful.

Giving Ultimatums

Are you the master of veiled threats? Do you believe that drawing lines in the sand is the way to get things done? Ultimatums are a sign of desperation, a sign that you’ve reached the end of your skill set for positively motivating someone. Or it could mean that you don’t know how to be assertive, so you set things up to give yourself an excuse for being aggressive instead. Are people afraid of you, but don’t respect you?

This might be your drama if you say things like;

• “That’s the last time I trust you.”
• “If you do that one more time, watch out.”
• “You’ve given me no choice.”

Here’s a compassion resolution that will help you turn things around.

I resolve to be more persistent.

Being persistent is about walking the talk with integrity and assertiveness. Persistent people are clear about boundaries, don’t need to raise their voices or make threats to get their point across and know the difference between posturing and principles. They can have difficult conversations without attacking or blaming anyone. Here are some tips for building new habits:

• Discern your principles and priorities. Practice articulating them in simple and understandable ways.
• Role-model the behaviors you want. Be an example, not a preacher.
• Ask people to make commitments around what matters most.
• Own up when you make a mistake or fall short.
• Learn new skills for positively motivating different personality types.

More tips for being persistent.

Which drama habit is holding you back? Which New Year’s resolution will you make to be a better leader?

If you need help, Next Element can help build a customized development path for your organization that supports more compassion and less drama for 2024.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2024